It was the beginning of summer and I was driving east on Highway 70 in Missouri to a family reunion when my front driver-side tire blew out. Only 15 minutes from my destination, I carefully pulled over to the side of the road and tried to call everyone in my phone book, but to no avail.

I considered walking to the closest house or gas station, but with traffic speeding by, I decided waiting with my car was safer. After about an hour of waiting, a man in a moving truck pulled over, stopping about two parked cars away from me. He hops out and proceeds towards me asking me if he could assist.

The began to question if I had tools and why I was traveling alone. I explained that I was just trying to make to a family reunion and recently single. The man changed my tire and signaled for me to follow him to a nearby gas station to fill the tire with more air. After filling my tire, he then hands me his card and asks that I call him to let him know I made it safe and then proceeded to hand me some cash.

Initially, I refused, but he insisted, saying he didn’t expect anything in return, just a call after I settled. I was thankful and proceeded on my way to be with my family for the rest of the afternoon.

I allowed a week to pass before calling him to say thank you.

He spoke with excitement stating he had been waiting for my phone call. Our conversation continued a few minutes and not only ended on a good note, but would become more frequent. Soon we would begin spending more time together.

After a few months, he was asked me to move in with him, to St.Louis.

I had my doubts about moving in with him as I was just coming out of a relationship and I was enjoying my new found freedom and single life. However, I began to put my eyes on luxuries he was providing, that I didn’t have to compete or ask for.

I decided that maybe now it was time to leave my old life behind and step into something new.

Shortly after moving in, I began to notice my new boyfriend, displaying bouts of anger over what seemed to me, to be the smallest things.

Our first disagreement arose after I’d been commuting to my old city for a doctor’s appointment related to a past work injury. Less than an hour after I left, he began calling, claiming to be concerned about my well-being. Upon my return, his disgusted expression and subsequent grilling about the appointment ignited our conflict.

His behavior seemed to get worse every time I needed to attend my doctors appointment in the other city. So to ease his worries, I decided to transfer my medical treatment to an office in St. Louis.

He was then satisfied until he wasn’t. Only until something new transpired.

He consistently provided financial support, leaving cash for me to spend at his discretion. He frequently assured me that his income was sufficient to support us both and that employment was unnecessary. While I appreciated his generosity, I developed a desire for financial independence and considered part-time work. My long-held aspiration to attend beauty school was met with consistent topic avoidance from him

No matter what I did, he would find something to harass me about, something to argue about, or something to complain about, even if his disgust was pertaining to something from his past life.

If it wasn’t my thoughts of having a career for myself that troubled him, it was the family issues of his past, that seemed to torment him.

Around Thanksgiving, he suggested we should take a trip to Florida. His reasoning was that I needed to clear my head and get rid of stress. I suggested he go and spend sometime alone or his friends, as I hoped to have some time to myself. He absolutely refused to leave me alone, so I paked my things and my dog, and headed down south.

Meanwhile, driving through Atlanta, he noticed a concert taking place with some of his favorite artists and stated he wanted to go. I was exhausted from the drive and wanted to sleep, and asked if he would take me to the room to rest but he was welcome to go. He laughed and proceeded on to the hotel.

I guess that was the last straw.

We entered our hotel room and the next thing I remember was being pushed to the floor having my hair pulled out and my clothes ripped off. I fought my way out of the room and made it to the hotel lobby and signaled for the attendant to call the police. The police came and made him leave while escorting me and my dog to the police station.

Upon arrival at the police station, I called my family to let them know what happened and that I would need bus fare to make it back to St. Louis. I felt embarrassed as I was sharing the details of what had happened with my family as it was the first time anyone knew what had been happening.

After finally arriving in St. Louis, I called my boyfriend asking him where he was just to be sure that I was in the clear to leave before he came back to beg me to stay. While packing my things, his mom called me, begging me to wait for him, and apologizing for him. I proceeded to pack my things and left for my parents home.

While at my parents, I began looking for work yet was unsuccessful. About a week later I received a phone call for not one, not two, but three different jobs, but all located back in St. Louis.

I despised going back to that place but I knew I needed work.

The same week my ex called me saying he was coming to my parents house to get me and my things.

The next thing I know, he was pulling up in front of my parents house. It was the middle of December, ice and snow had covered the ground but that was not stopping this man. He had a point to prove and apparently wasn’t taking no for an answer.

He done everything he could have done, said everything he could have said to get in mu families good graces, even accepting Jesus at their kitchen table, while shedding crocodile tears and apologizing.

Things between us began to smooth over, and I decided to move back to St. Louis, only until I was able to find a place of my own. He agreed, and began talking about seeing a counselor. I was happy for him and agreed with him that it was good step but he must choose it for himself.

It was now Valentines Day, and he decided to plan an evening out for us. We went out to dinner and called it an early night. After arriving at home, he claimed he was tired, suggesting I go to bed. I decided to stay up a little longer to watch some television while he agreed to go lay down. Shortly after I began hearing the sound of doors slamming and stomping on the steps.

He rushed upstairs to where I was sitting, drug me downstairs to his room and, begins pulling on my clothing, threatening to rape me. Accusations that I work too much and don’t have time for him began to be the focus of his complaints.

He started to sense that I was not listening to him then began making threats to throw me in the Meramec River. Suddenly, he began apologizing and telling me how much he loves me and goes off to sleep.

The morning after his outburst, I contacted my cousin, a local real estate agent. She had an apartment available, and I immediately signed the lease. My plan was to move out while he was away on a work trip.

I once again packed my things and headed to my new apartment. I received calls from him, everyday if not all day, from unknown and blocked phone numbers. I eventually filed a restraining order against him, but it was never served. Fearing for my safety, I was forced to quit my job.

Two months had passed and everything appeared to quiet down. The harassing phone calls ended and I was attempting to move on with my life in my new apartment. I began a new job being trained as a loan officer and things seemed to be going well. My ex found out where I was working and soon decided that his house would need refinancing and slowly began making appearances at my job. On different occasions, he would bring with him a bouquet of flowers and leave them on my desk.

I had begun to think that maybe now he was starting to change. His countenance had changed and his voice even sounded more joyful. I wasn’t sure what was happening but I was sensing that something was happening with him and hoped that he was finding peace for himself. So soon I would give him a friendly call just to say hello and that I hoped he was doing well.

He seemed excited that I had called and began telling me about his journey with counseling and that he had plans to be baptized soon, and asked me to come. I told him that I would be working but would stay in touch to see how he was doing.

About a week later, I received a call from my boss while at work. He mentioned a complication with my ex’s refinance and asked if I could deliver the necessary paperwork. Naive and hopeful, I agreed, believing things had finally calmed down.

I left work and arrived at his house with the paper in hand. He invited me in.

The next thing I know, Im being raped on his living room floor. In disbelief I lay there crying. I could not believe what just happened. I wasn’t sure anyone would believe me if I told them. But when I attempted to leave, he decided that he would follow me back to my job.

As soon as I got in my car I picked up my phone and called the police to report what happened. I drove at a normal speed while my ex followed behind me in his el camino, so that the police would hopefully catch him tailing me. As soon as I pulled up to my job, three cop cars were pulling up behind him and placed him in handcuffs. He just stared at me and yelled out that he loved me while being escorted away.

I was escorted to the hospital for an examination but the test results showed no signs of forced entry.

Afterwards I was then directed to the police station to make a statement. The police stated the hospital found no evidence to prosecute so they had no choice but to let him go. One of the detectives stated that my ex told them I lied and I was only using him for money. This same detective told me he didn’t believe me as I was younger in age compared to my ex, and his story made more sense to him.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt absolutely helpless and like this was all my fault. I now had the feeling as though I had no where to turn and no one who cared.

It’s Not Over…

After 2 months on my new job, I received a text message one night from my ex called me asking to please call him as it was an emergency. He asked for help getting to the emergency room and stated that his mom had just dropped him off at home but he still felt something was wrong.

This didn’t sound like him as even his voice appeared weak but I agreed to help and told him to be ready as soon as I pull up.

As I pulled up I noticed all the lights inside were off except for the front porch light. I got out of the car and knocked on the door, and he answers wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He then invited me in for a moment to wait while he changed his clothes.

I sat down on the couch with my purse in hand, observing the length of time he was taking to get ready, glancing at the show playing on tv.

He then comes up the stairs with the exact same clothes on and lies down on the couch to light up a cigarette.

He asked me to move back in with him stating he wasn’t happy with out me. I told him I couldn’t and would not be in an abusive relationship any longer.

He then begins offering to pay all of my bills so that I don’t have to worry but I told him that I didn’t want him for his money, but to be loved in a way that is healthy. He then lights up another cigarette.

Then another. And another. Until he’s smoked six cigarettes back to back.

He then walks over to a near by closet, pulls out a shot gun, and slowly moves towards me, anxiously pulling gun shells from his pocket. While loading his gun, he proceeds to tell me that I will never leave the house again, I could yell and scream all I wanted, but no one would hear me or help me. I didn’t have to worry about my family or my friends because they never cared about me anyway.

He then loads the gun and points it at my head and I jump up to fight him hoping to keep him from shooting me. I managed to keep up the fight for a while until I lost balance. When rushing to regain my footing, I looked up to see the gun pointing at my face. I reached up to move the barrel of the gun away from my face and the next thing I saw was a room filled with smoke.

My ears began ringing until every sound was muffled to a near silence. I looked all around me and saw blood all over the walls but as I looked down at my body, I didn’t see anything wrong. I noticed the right side f my body started to become extremely warm and as I looked down at my hands, I noticed the fingers on my right hand were mangled, while the ring finger was missing. When I looked up at him, he was staring back at me with a blank stare.

I began screaming and fighting with him until I could make my way out of the room. After breaking free and making it to front door, I attempted to unlock it with no success. When I realized that I was using the hand that was injured, I switched hands to unlock the door and glanced behind me to see my ex reloading the gun a second time.

He quickly jumps down the stairs, slams the door shut and locks it again. I screamed out for Jesus to help me and looked in his eyes yet saw that there was nothing there. It was pitch black and I knew he was no longer there either.

I was able to able to muster up the strength to push him down into the basement and dropped his gun onto the floor. I then managed to get the door unlocked again and as soon as I was about to run, something told me to turn around. I turned and there he was, standing at the bottom of the stairs with the gun pointing directly at my back.

I then wedged myself between the door frame and the wall as tightly as I could to avoid being shot in the back yet thinking to myself this was it.

The gun goes off a second time…

I looked at my body and there were no holes. My legs and feet were intact so I knew I could run. I then opened the door and ran as fast as my legs would carry me.

As I was running, I heard a voice as though someone was running with me, telling me that I would live. I felt myself loosing wind and wanted to give up yet determined to get help. While running I turned around to see if he was coming to finish me off but he never came.

I made it to a neighbors house two doors away but continued to look behind me and still there was no sign of him. I then heard two gunshots go off in the distance and had began to settle within.

As I eased my way down onto the neighbors porch, I began to hear the sound of police sirens in the distance. While running out to the street to meet the lights, I noticed blood gushing out of my body on both sides. I then saw that I had been hit a second time. Apparently the bullet had sliced through the outer portion of my left arm, tearing it open, and lodging partially in my chest. It was in that moment that I remember bowing down on my knees thanking God that I was free and help had arrived.

The police asked me who shot me and I pointed towards the house my ex lived in.

He was pronounced dead later that evening by way of suicide.

When nothing else could help…

It was a day that I know without a shadow of a doubt that I encountered God for the first time in my life. In a way so clear yet distinct, that gave me a peace I couldn’t explain if I tried. The sound of His voice was so peaceful, so comforting, unforgettable…..

It also was a day that marked the beginning of a new life and would define the purpose of my very existence.

Purpose had been served…

Little did I realize that my experiences would become a pivotal part of my life’s purpose.

I’ve wrestled with overwhelming feelings of defeat, depression, hopelessness, and a resigned acceptance. Countless times,I’ve questioned the divine purpose behind my ordeal. Looking back, I’m uncertain if I would choose this path again, yet I trust in God’s sovereignty. Through this experience, I’ve been granted a platform to share my story with those trapped in the shadows of abuse. My hope is to illuminate a path towards courage, resilience, and ultimately, liberation. I aspire to inspire survivors to transform their pain into power, to rise above adversity, and to discover their own path to freedom and triumph.

Going through what I went through was not anything that I could have prepared for but it was an experience that I knew wasn’t just for me. I believe it was entrusted to me to share the fact that God is real and he never leaves us where we are. But also to encourage those facing abuse, of any kind, to seek refuge and freedom.

And to also share with you some of the Red flags associated with unhealthy relationships which include but are not limited to:

• rush you into committing to a relationship with them
• attempt to isolate you from family, friends, and those you are in relationship with
• showers you with expensive gifts early in the relationship
• any physical abuse or unwanted sexual advances
• consistently harass or stalk you by phone calls, text, email, or following you in your vehicle
• uses religion with attempts to assert authority or validate their actions
• gaslights or mocks you with attempts to cause you to question your own sanity
• dominates your time, conversations, or gives the silent treatment
• hinders opportunities to develop a support system
• destroys property attempting to intimidate and insight fear
• threatens suicide should you choose to leave

My advice for anyone facing or sensing something off about their relationship new or existing is to not ignore or downplay what you are experiencing.

Many times people ignore that small voice prompting them to put on the brakes in relationships where they may see red flags. I know I did, and many times over.

The truth is that a person who desires to change, will, but will make that change for themselves first.

I had to question myself about why I continued to return to that relationship.The truth was, I didn’t know who I was but desired to feel loved, wanted, and cared for. I enjoyed the shopping sprees, nice dinners, and vacations.

I didn’t know my life had value nor that I was putting a price on my happiness and allowing someone else to reinforce how much my happiness was worth to them.

God is always Faithful…

However, the most important lesson I learned was that I was worthy. I was born worthy and didn’t need material things to prove that my life had value. I didn’t need a knight in shining armor to rescue me, but I learned that nothing outside of myself determined my worth. I was born worthy of love and that was something I began to give to myself.

I learned that nothing could separate me from Gods love.

God was there protecting me when through it all. He was my strength and shield when I was fighting my way out of that house. My comforter when I laid in the hospital room for 10 days in recovery. My peace as I forgave the man who attempted to take my life. My keeper when I grew mentally weary and emotionally overwhelmed. And my friend when everyone I considered a friend seemed to walk away.

This moment in time gave me the opportunity to experience what I never believed to be real as it was truly the opportunity of a lifetime. I was afforded the opportunity to not only give my life to Jesus Christ but to experience and receive his unconditional love in a way no man could ever give.

Be Blessed and please share!